How to paint laminate.

I should have known better to attack this project. I have learned over the past year or so that laminate is my nemesis. He hate me. (Check my first post to understand.)I know how to paint stuff. I do. I even knew/know how to paint laminate. It just doesn't like me much, and from now on, I think we're gonna keep our distance. Hater.It started with the TV cabinet in the playroom/loft:I kept looking